Dear diary,
I'm falling in love..



Guys..
realize that the girl holding onto u is PERFECT in their own special way.
The way she laughs..
The way she sleeps..
The way she loves you..
The way she tries to please you...
Always remember that.
She can always walk away and up,getting someone else who can love her more.
For all you know,there is someone out there wooing heralready,but she is rejecting,a maybe perfect love for her..
There might also be someone out there..who is willing to love her more than youare lovingher now,fufill her every need and love her asmuch as sheloves you.
Understand that.
Girls have a huge guilty concience....
imagine this, guys.
When you are holding her today...
and then you cheat on her by huggingand kissinganother gal.
and then you run back to her...and u do the same....
but you see love in her eyes...
What do you think?
Do you feel the hurt?Can you feel the GUILT ?
She loves you not because you are good looking,have money,buy her things,make her parents happy,or that you have a car.
She loves you for who you are.
Your every touch, every word you say, everythingyou do.
Guys.Cherish and appreciate your girl.
Don't break her fragile heart.
She is the only one who can love you that way.
You won't wanna regret letting go of that special girl you have.
For everything she has done for you, the leastyou can do is to give her unconditional love as she has given to you.


seriously, u can go and die if you still don't realise the importance of showing a wee bit of appreciation. after all those doubts u had about her.. after thousads of times of self reproach.. that is the least u can do. because at the end of it, after all that you've done, an apology doesnt mend her broken heart. and you only have yourself to blame. so stop being an ass. regreting kills.

but then again, sometimes girls have no control over relationships. guys just love treating girls like dirt. wrong? i question that. and if you think that you're a damn hot casanova, by all means go. your wrong attitude will destroy you just like how u'd tortured that poor girl mentally. afterall, she was only sixteen years old. she was only me.

jerk bastard moron idiot nitwit goondu. go and die.



Dear diary,
I'm falling in love..

birthday celebration this year was absolutely marvellous. as compared to past years, this is by far the MOST PLEASURABLE one. it was probably the companionship. finally a change after having him beside me for the past 3 years. well, he never fails to wreck my birthdays every year too. so i guess it's good not having him around. (:

a summary of 17th feb :
ice cream + short day at school + 'happy birthday's + SMSes + presents + fish&co. + friends + sakae sushi + family + ice cream + cake + everyone else who remembered = THE BEST BIRTHDAY EVER IN FOUR YEARS!

17th feb was a total bang. but, 18th was purely crap.


who is the world falls ill on the day after their birthdays? the morning of my first official day as a seventeen year old kid was spent in tjc, sunbathing and trying to scream my lungs out as it was the annual road run in tj.

i call a group of students; minicookies. look at how 'happening' the event was.

had sausage mc muffin for breakfast. returned home. slept. woke up. prepared myself for !smash'd. headed down to pavillion to meet the ultimate gay pair, KEEF AND RYAN. watching them play pool is hilarious. seriouly, YOU TWO LOOKED RETARDED. (: WHO IN THE WORLD PLAYS POOL LIKE THAT. had dinner at delifrance. !smash'd.

i came up with an overview of !smash'd while chatting with james:
because i believe. says:
i'd rather b singing God's praise than to b jammed with crap music which i totally dunno how to appreciate.

well, the venue was good. but it's probly too big. i couldnt properly watch a performance without straining my neck and eyes. then again, i don't bother.

sprained my ankle. plonked into bed the moment i returned home. i was TOO SICK.

woke up this morning : fever + body aches + i cant utter a word = im dying.

ok wadever. bb. imrunningafever mind you.

Dear diary,
I'm falling in love..

YOU DESERVE NOTHING. THAT WAS SHEER LUCK. WAIT TILL LIFE COMES FALLING DOWN ON YOU IN THREE YEARS. WE'LL SEE HOW FAR UR PROMISE FOR MARRIAGE GOES. U ARE SO NAIVE. DAMN YOU, SERIOUSLY. DAMN YOU.


to everyone else who gave me incesssant support during these couple of days, THANKS ALOT. AND I'M BEGINNING TO ACCEPT REALITY OR AS SOME MAY CLAIM, FATE. WELL, THAT WAS ONE HELLUVA JOURNEY THAT ALMOST GOT ME KILLED. BUT FORGET IT. THERE'S NO OTHER BETTER SOLUTION THAN FACING THE PROBLEM ITSELF. WITH A POSITIVE MINDSET OF COURSE. SO TO EVERYONE OUT THERE, I'LL TRY MY VERY BEST TO STAY IN TJC. BE IT AN APPEAL CASE OR WHATSOEVER. BUT IF TJ STILL REJECTS ME.. WELL...

I'LL JUST MEET RYAN AT HIS HDB AND COMMIT SUICIDE TOGETHER.

LOL. NO LA. I'LL JUST GO WHEREVER I'M POSTED TO. SOMETIMES WE JUST CANT GO AGAINST FATE OR WHATEVER U CALL THAT.


ANYWAY, THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO'VE PERFORMED EXCEPTIONALLY WELL IN THIS EXAMINATION.. WE OUGHT TO GIVE THEM GLORY. ABSOLUTE ADMIRATION. THERE ARE SIMPLY TOO MANY TO BE NAMED.. SO.. CONGRATULATIONS! YOU'VE PWNED ME IN O LEVELS! -.-" . I'LL CONTINUE TO PUT IN EFFORT.. SO THANKS FOR BEING THE INSPIRATION. THOUGH IM STILL SO HURT BY THE FACT TT IVE GOTTEN THAT 'SIX'. IT'S NOT THAT IMPORTANT AFTERALL. BECAUSE THROUGH THIS ALL, I SAW WHO WERE THE ONES THAT REALLY CARED AND BOTHERED THEMSELVES ABOUT ME. I LOVE YOU ALL.

HONESTLY, I'VE GOTTEN OVER IT. (: cheers!



Dear diary,
I'm falling in love..

i broke down into tears instantaneously when i took a closer look at my result slip. it wasn't because i did well. it was the direct opposite. i've nothing more to comment on. O levels screwed up for me. i have no rights to be speaking / even blogging in english. i see no point in getting distinctions for some other subjects and getting a c6 for english. darn it. because we all know, a c6 is not gonna get you anywhere. mind you. it's a C6. you people don't know how i feel inside. don't bother consoling me. it's not gonna change things.

honestly speaking, tjc is not gonna want me. i know it.


i didn't know my english sucked so bad. i reckon my blog is filled with a thousand and one grammatical, punctuation and spelling errors. yes, i am damn sad. i'm so ashamed of myself. i ought to be hiding in my room, under my blanket. nobody is gonna be proud of me.

goodbye. i simply cannot get over it. i didnt want the c6. i didnt. im sorry for letting my parents, my family, my teachers, my friends and myself down.

i apologise.. i never expected my grades to be so disastrous. i performed badly. you can never imagine..


THANKS FOR THE SCREWED UP EARLY BIRTHDAY GIFT. I HATE IT. I'LL DO ALL MEANS TO REJECT IT. BUT THEN AGAIN.. IF ONLY I COULD... IF ONLY..

wasn't that already my best effort? what happened.. why... why...
why....

to imran:
im sorry for being so 'irritating' cus i dunno if im still gonna be able meet u in tj after the release of the posting results. i didn't want that to happen either. i really didn't want to. i'm so sorry :'(



Dear diary,
I'm falling in love..

i'm freaking out. it's tomorrow. actually im really scared i dont do well enough for o levels to stay in tj. not only will i be disappointed in myself. my parents, my family, my teachers and friends will all be. please.


pon-ned rugby cos of the rain. school passed really fast today. i had alot of fun. i need to do alot of thinking now. (: i saw him today. and i almost cried again. HAHA. i need to do alot of reflecting.


anyway, look at what i did to bird's hair with sweet wrappers today, during PW:

and we had a mass photo taking session before chinese :

that's the pretty KUKUirishBIRD in the middle. <3!>

just look at my dearest vicki.

ben & jerry's.

samuel and michelle - 08's lovely couple. (:

my little grandchild marianne and bird.

Vickiria Jaznior Kollege

and here's a tiny pic of my cheena teacher.

i had chocolate waffle today. and guess what. its my chinese birthday today. haha. it's not important anyway. well, i enjoy going to schoo, seeing my hyper friends everyday and going mental with them. eventhou bird bullies me, i love seeing her! (: she's a fruit-natic. i just love that KUKUirishBIRD. and bird's so fascinated by how infrared works. so cute la! plus, seeing grandchild taking forever to finish her food is amusing.

well. i dont think im going to school for lectures tml. i'll probly just sleep in. we'll see.

for now, everyone please relax and go to bed. i'll see ya tomorrow flooded in tears of joy and happiness.

Dear diary,
I'm falling in love..

i think i really have an inability in seeing through people within their skins. i malign people all the time. i just need a little more (fill in the blank) to delete u off my list. there's simply no need for me to keep you anymore. you dont need me i reckon. and you didnt appreciate me in the first place. remember? well, it's not as if you need me. aye wadever.

_________________

anyway. school's been really good. (:

and BIRD, IM GONNA MENTION U AGAIN!(i noe im sweeeeet! ) birdie RIPPED OFF MY SKIRT TODAY! EEEE YOU! all i ever wanted was to take a look at c.c. , as a whole, not in segments, for 2 jazreel seconds. LOL! i wonder what dirty stuff he's doing under your shirt everyday in school.

btw, i have no more idea how many more hours that is to friday 230pm. dun wanna be keeping track of it anyway. i want to stay put in tj cgo8/o6. I LOVE BEING WITH A BUNCH OF CRAZY GIRLS. miracle please miracle.. let everyone stay.. stay.. stay.. (i'm getting mental.) im not thinking of the worst yet. i dont have the mental strength to do so. please no.

whatever. slack PE in tj is goooood :) . walking around the track is fun, no? and i'll never forget marianne being called a LIAR by the teacher! HAAHAHA!! MENSTRUAL CRAMPS? YOU LIAR!

please please please. i dont wanna miss cgo8/06. i still wanna be part of it.

oh ya! BIRD DID U NOE THAT..

Bidina & Jazreel
=
Ben & Jerry's

oh wheeeeeee!!


anddd yes. we lost to o9/06 for the skit competition. ben & jerry's shall do fine replacing haagen dazs. aiyaaaaaaaaaa. and tj has an ICE CREAM MAN! :)



Dear diary,
I'm falling in love..

im the past. so i should stop bothering myself about you. ENOUGH. ENOUGH LA! this blog should be kenneth-free. just what the heck am i doing.


ENOUGH. U ARE NOTHING MORE THAN A FRIEND. ASS.



Dear diary,
I'm falling in love..


no big deal i guess. everyone expected it to be this week anyway. All the best to everyone though.

remember what Ramesh and Cherie told us..

WE CAN DO IT, YEAH!

indeed, our journey through secondary school education is coming to a complete closure. Friday will be the LAST time we'll all be gathered, knitted as one; and doing one common last thing together as Temasek Seconday's year 2005 cohort. yes. definitely, all of us will be waiting anxiously for the arrival of our results after a year of hard work, efforts, endless tell-off sessions by our teachers, and night study period (which didn't work well for me). As we come together and remember ourselves as temasek's pride and honour, let us not forget those 4 or 5 years spent in the lovely premises of school; those memories that stays etched in our hearts forever. Don't forget the wonderful times spent together as a cohort.. squeezing and cutting queues.. making new friends.. knowing new people.. accquiring new life skills.. and celebrating mindless festivals and occasions. In Temasek, academic performance matters. But don't forget the all-important focus, INTEGRITY. Bear in mind our school's values : Care, Performance Excllence, Teamwork and Integrity. Don't walk out Temasek Secondary looking like you haven't achieved anything in life. Because you've learnt and mastered skills and techniques of all sorts; be it painting, titrating, and even showing respect to one another. That was one complete journey we walked through together, hand in hand, helping each and everyone along the way. And always remember, temasekians care.

WE CARE.

_______________________


random post :
did i forget to mention? i almost drown last tuesday in the swimming pool. thanks to BIDINA CHOO YU ROU (banana pig fish meat) for making me laugh when i was stuck in the middle of the pool. i bet i looked stupid. imagine me struggling to swim to the end of the pool when i broke out into a laughing fit. amusing.

_______________________

DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE RESULTS. WE'VE ALL PUT IN OUR BEST EFFORTS FOR THE O LEVEL EXAMS. WE'LL BE DULY REWARDED. (:



Dear diary,
I'm falling in love..

i dislike you cause you treated my supposed-to-be baby like dirt. da*n you bit*h.


DON'T HOLLER HIM AROUND BECAUSE HE IS NOT A BALL OF DIRT. DONT REGRET YOUR ACTIONS CAUSE` U ARE THE ONE WHO CHOSE NOT TO APPRECIATE HIM. I LET GO OF HIM TO LET HIM GO TO YOU DESPITE ALL THE PAIN I FACE ALONE. I THOUGHT HE'LL BE HAPPY WITH YOU. I THOUGHT YOU'LL BE THE GIRL WHO WOULD BRING SOME SIGNIFICANCE INTO HIS LIFE. BUT LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO HIM. U'VE DESTROYED HIM. I DISLIKE YOU. GIVE HIM A NEW LEASE OF LIFE. I HATE YOU, BIT*H. I DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER THAN HIM. AND HE DESERVES SOMEONE BETTER THAN BOTH YOU AND I; AT LEAST SOMEONE WHO HELPS TO PICK HIM UP WHEN HE'D FALLEN. NOT SOMEONE TO MAKE IT WORSE, BY ADDING FUEL TO FIRE. HE NEEDS SOMEONE BETTER. PLEASE DONT DRIVE HIM TO DESPERATION. QUIT BEING RUTHLESS. I WANT HIM TO BE IN THE HANDS OF A BETTER GIRL, SOMEONE WHO LOVES AND APPRECIATES HIM FOR WHO HE IS. SOMEONE WHO LOOKS AT HIS FLAWS FROM A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE. DONT SAY YOU'RE SORRY FOR ALL THAT YOU'VE DONE TO HIM. BECAUSE YOU'VE HURT HIM SO MUCH. SO MUCH SO THAT EVEN I DISLIKE YOU FOR TREATING HIM LIKE THAT. DONT REMIND ME OF HOW HE'D TREATED ME IN THE PAST BECAUSE OF YOU. IT DOESNT BOTHER ME. I JUST DONT WANT TO SEE KENNETH IN SUCH DIRE STRAITS. DO YOU GET ME? DO U GET ME? DIG IT? DIG IT? I DONT KNOW WHAT WENT WRONG BETWEEN THE 2 OF YOU. IM NOBODY TO GO IN BETWEEN ANYWAY. BUT IT DRIVES ME MAD TO SEE HIM IN DESOLATION. WHY DIDN'T YOU TREAT HIM NICELY SO THAT YOU WOULDNT HAVE TO BE LIVING IN SUCH REMORSE TODAY. HE HAD IT COMING FOR TREATING ME LIKE CRAP. BUT YOU WERE EXPECTING A SIMILAR TREATMENT, WERENT YOU? YOU ARE NOTHING WITHOUT KENNETH. HE WAS YOUR EVERYTHING, JUST LIKE HE WAS MINE. YOU CAN DIE FOR ALL I CARE. IT'S KENNETH WHOM I TAKE PITY ON NOW. DARN IT. HOW COULD YOU DESTROY HIM. I HATE YOU FOR DOING THIS TO SOMEONE I CARE AND LOVE SO MUCH. I FUCKING HATE YOU. NOTHING CAN REPLACE THE LOVE I HAVE FOR HIM. AND NOTHING CAN REPLACE HIM IN YOUR LIFE. BECAUSE HE'D CHANGED SO MUCH DURING THE FEW MONTHS HE WAS WITH YOU. I COULD DO NOTHING TO CHANGE HIM FOR THOSE 42 MONTHS WE WERE TOGETHER. I SALUTE TO YOU FOR MAKING SUCH A BIG DIFFERENCE IN HIS LIFE. YOU BROUGHT HIM TO THE WILDER SIDE OF LIFE. THEN PLEASE, AT LEAST BRING HIM BACK. WHY DID YOU LEAVE HIM THERE TO DIE OUTSIDE ALONE. I SO WANNA BE THERE FOR HIM. BUT BLAME HIMSELF FOR BEING SO HEDASTRONG, REFUSING MY CARE AND CONCERN. YOU ARE THE ONE HE NEEDS. THE ONE HE WANTS. HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO HIM. GO AHEAD AND CALL ME A NOSEY-PARKER; A LOSER WHO STILL CARES FOR HER EX. SO WHAT. ALL I WANT TO SEE IS KENNETH LEADING A HAPPY LIFE. LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE. LOOK. WHY WHY WHY.


i f*cking hate you, bit*h.



Dear diary,
I'm falling in love..

EYE oh EYE. you are killing me alright. the once every six months health condition is back. damn you eye. you are making me blind. you make me wanna sleep all day. i cant even pay attention during lectures and tuts. im so busy attending to you. shit eye. i hate having to clean up your shit around my eye every morning.

i'm so happy to have met up with sabrina yest. (: I LOVE YOU HUNNY! MUACKS! and of cos gayboy ryan and james :D i miss all of you. and i miss fourE.

honestly speaking, i havent been sprouting vulgarities. really. im so proud of myself. well, shit isnt a bad word, right?

results are gonna be out next week according to the widely spread rumour. it's either 2 days; or 6 days from now. jittery. i hope i get to stay put in tj. im so lovin` tjc. i love CG08/06 and i love touch rugby. i wanna continue playing angel&mortal. i want to keep a healthy diet all day. FRUITS. please please please.

anyway, i hope EVERYONE WILL BE PLEASED WITH THEIR RESULTS. I HOPE EVERYONE WILL BE WEEPING TEARS OF JOY IN TEMASEK'S SCHOOL HALL NEXT WEEK. PLEASE PLEASE.




_________________________________

im wayyy behind in the tuts. i cant catch up with the lecturer. i practically screwed up my first test in tjc; lifted paragraphs of facts and shit off the lecture notes. im pretty sure i'll score a wonderful zero. marvellous. and i'm having difficulty speaking chinese. if Liu Lao Shi sees me in this state, she'll be in grief. blame it on months of monolingualism. plus, econs is really killing me. enough of school work. i hope i can really start on my schoolwork. this year has to start out right. proper. starting my engine.




_________________________________

well, i hope everything's fine for kenneth thou. seems like a bad period for him. i just wish that everything will tide over soon. Dearest Kenneth, there are people who still cares for you. there are. i'll never leave you alone. you know that, don't you? (: poor boy..


abstract of a conv i had with kenneth last night. ---

ILOVEYOUTOODARLING! MUACKS! i carry your heart. i carry it in my heart. says:
i told u i'll care about u means i will . since when have i not bothered myself about you.
Single and UNavailable. Love hurts, love scar, love wounds and mars any heart! says:
nvm la
Single and UNavailable. Love hurts, love scar, love wounds and mars any heart! says:
no need la
ILOVEYOUTOODARLING! MUACKS! i carry your heart. i carry it in my heart. says:
no.
ILOVEYOUTOODARLING! MUACKS! i carry your heart. i carry it in my heart. says:
i promised to care and lovE you forever. no matter what happens i will always try to b there when i can


pardon those grammatical, spelling, punctuation or whatever error. which persone in the right state of mind will bother about those when your ex is tired of life and wanting to walk out of it. then again, it could have been me being such a busybody. but i dont care.


kenneth, i meant what i said. i really care. (: it's not that i cannot let go of our broken relationship and those dreams we once shared. it's simply because, i cannot forget you. i cannot bring myself to leave you alone in that wretched state. i do not want to leave you behind with no one there for you. i wanted to be the one there for you all the time in the past. it's alright if you thought i was more of a burden than a help. you've already successfully gotten rid of me. out of your sight and out of your life. i thank you for loving me. at least in this life, i was loved by you. i dont wanna see you get hurt. i dont want to. please start loving yourself. don't ruin yourself because of someone or something. you'll feel better letting go. really. whatever it is, just let go...

and i still miss you. everything simply reminds me of you. i miss you badly. dump that sour relationship.



_________________________________

i wonder why i ended up typing an emo entry like this. aiiiiyaaaaa. i had better go to bed. and start minding my own business. darn it.

♥ Loved, yourname

Wednesday, February 01, 2006 ♥

Last footprint@4:17 PM

Dear diary,
I'm falling in love..

i think i'm going crazy. i talk alot to myself. nono. seriously. i mumble. to no one else but myself. i always think that people hear me. but i'm so wrong. i talk to myself. no one's listening to any shit i say. people must be thinking im psycho. and really. i think i am becoming one. i'm going berserk. i'm loony. i'm a lunatic. damn. but i really can't stop myself from speaking to myself. i feel the need to be unleashing some kinda fear/anger/happiness. Am i sane? someone help me please.

i hate being alone. i don't realise the fact that i'm talking to myself until someone calls for me back to earth. thankfully, i only speak to myself when i am with people i know. that calls for a celebration. at least i do not appear to be a mad dog to everyone else when i'm alone. perhaps the reason why i hate being alone is that i cant speak to myself.

i terribly feel the need to be speaking to myself. that's probably what we call reflect and refocus. for your infomation, not only do i blog, i talk and i write alot to myself. i have gawdknows how many mini notebooks. seriously. and i have no idea why am i divulging this secret o mine. it's high time i get myself another notebook. i don't know whats wrong with me. i really don't know.

i am missing someone, madly. i should shut my mouth about missing you cause people will just wallop me.

asshole, i miss you.

don't ask me why. i know you've been the bastard-iest guy ever. who doesn't know? but i miss you helluva. i miss you moron. i miss you shit. i miss you idiot. i miss you crap. and i'm gonna see you next week after so long since we last met. i wonder i wonder. pls don't give me hell. i just hope everything turns out fine. and i do miss you alot.

SEE. I TALK TO MYSELF AGAIN. ):
somebody, save me.

♥ Loved, yourname

Blogskin COPYRIGHTED by
WINNIE
All rights reserved. ©

Your pretty face(image).
Yourname. ♥
A short introduction.


Sites: xoxo ♥

this
that
those


I want this.
I want that.
I want everything.


cbox, shoutmix, myflashbox.
width do not exceed 200.

friend
friend
friend
friend
friend


♥ January 2006
♥ February 2006
♥ March 2006
♥ April 2006
♥ May 2006
♥ June 2006
♥ July 2006
♥ August 2006
♥ September 2006


1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
sweet.pulchritude-

Imeem
Now playing Song name.
Song by Singer.